Pigs & Fishes > Filks > Mike Rubin's Filks > Captain Wilton Parmenter
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Captain Wilton Parmenter

Lyrics © 1986 by Michael Rubin (everything except verse 3) and Vinnie Bartilucci (verse 3).
Tune: "Captain Signy Mallory" by Mercedes Lackey and Leslie Fish.

I ran into Vinnie and asked him for permission to post this. He doesn't remember having anything to do with it, but then, it was a decade ago.


He's captain of his outpost and a thorn in the Union's side,
Protecting one small station from the enemy outside.
He'd have left the Union Army but his relatives all said
'Twas best to guard that station that the Union left for dead.

Captain Wilton Parmenter has no guts they say;
The captain of the F-Troop has feet of frozen clay.
Where Indian fights are colorful sights and nobody takes a lickin',
Where paleface and redskin brave, they both are turnin' chicken.

Young Dobbs has got a bugle that he thinks that he can blow,
And good old Trooper Duffy can't forget the Alamo.
With Vanderbilt the lookout who can't see past his nose,
I wonder how they made it through two seasons' worth of shows.

They tell me that the F-Troop's just a lousy ethnic slur;
The network censors hate it and psychologists concur.
It's gross and crude and stupid, but if you think that's right,
Then why do we still watch this thing at two o'clock at night?

Captain Wilton Parmenter has no brains they say;
The captain of Fort Courage has a head as soft as clay.
But when Dallas and The A-Team are the reruns on the dial,
F-Troop is up there with 'em for intelligence and style.

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Last updated: Wed, 31 Dec 1969, 04:00 PM EST