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Helltaper

Words © 1992 Avram Grumer
Tune: "Hellraiser" by Tom Smith


Welcome, nice to meet you, we've been waiting for so long
In the hope that you'd drop by our little store.
We're easily accessible to everyone, you see,
And we've got everything you want, and more.
So many other eyes have seen the movies on our shelves,
Your money burns your pocket like a fire,
And I believe we have the thing to satisfy your every deep desire.

The things you want are found beyond the door marked "For Adults,"
It will open if you have the proper key.
The pleasures of the ages, and techniques both old and new
Are at your fingertips for just a modest fee.
And each erotic fantasy exceeds the ones before,
You'll not believe the wonders that you'll find.
Our one request is that before you give them back, remember to rewind.

You open it, and turn it, put it into your machine,
Then you wait for your new playmates to show up upon the screen.
If you need some stimulation, I've got some to sell,
Come take a chance and raise a little hell.

The greatest aphrodisiac is video, they say.
Exploration leads to daring new extremes.
But drives are meant to be fulfilled, and once you have,
Your bank account and checkbook can unravel at the seams.
The porn tapes lead to phone sex lead to magazines and more,
Addictive and expensive as cocaine.
Unless, of course, you shop at Crazy Eddie's, 'cause his prices are insane!

These tapes are made by people who can barely read a script,
With plotlines that you cannot understand.
Some are made by amateurs, while others make an art form
Of the excitation of their fellow man.
You'll marvel at the scrupulous obsession with detail,
Creativeness and exquisite technique.
And when you've watched them for a while, you'll reach for freeze-frame every time you peak.

They tease you, and excite you, and then let you take a rest,
And then you can rewind to all the parts you liked the best.
Come and go, then come again, I think you might as well
Come take a chance and raise a little hell.

Everything is relative the highest courts have ruled,
And I'm sure that Clarence Thomas would agree.
All that it requires is community consensus;
It's erotica, and not obscenity.
But I should give you warning, every pleasure has its price;
You cannot simply get your kicks and go.
And if you try, you may find out your credit bill is longer than you know.

You replay every inch of tape, with freeze-frame and with zoom,
With partners, or in private, locked away inside a room.
And if your spouse or parents don't approve, you'll never tell,
'Cause if you do, you'll catch a little hell.

Pigs & Fishes > Filks > Helltaper
This Section (Filks): Index | Mike Rubin's filks
Other Sections: Natter (Latest) | Links (Weblog) | Good Stuff | Geek | Games | Misc.

Contents ©1996-2018 Avram Grumer (avram@grumer.org)
Last updated: Wed, 31 Dec 1969, 04:00 PM EST